Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
