3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
