I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
