i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The best revenge is premature balding
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
