I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
