Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
