Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
