Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
