i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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