hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
