I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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