he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
