I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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