Apparently you make a good broom.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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