what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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