Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
