help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
