I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
