You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
