Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
