If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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