I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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