you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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