I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My room smells like vodka and shame
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
