You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
