just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Watching her eat just hurts me
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
