Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
