i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
