I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
