She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
