There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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