There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
