I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
