are you so shy because you have an std?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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