As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
