I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
