it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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