Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
