she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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