Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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