fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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