i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
