i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
