doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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