I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
