No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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