I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
