You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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