Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
