You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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