shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
