I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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