Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
