yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
