@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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