I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
